Friday, November 23, 2007

Marriage

I'm not married, nor have I ever been; therefore, I'm not an expert on marriage. This post is just my view and take on marriage. I'm a little late on this- a few months ago, I said I was going to write about "marriage through my eyes", but forgot about it. My memory was refreshed a few hours ago, after hearing about my cousin's engagement.

Surely you remember the extra long post about my partner in crime that was getting married. Unfortunately (actually, fortunately), that won't be happening- not to that girl. Although I'm hurt for my cousin, I also know this was a blessing in disguise. It's better to realize these things before taking the plunge, before spending all that money, before bringing them into your home, your life, your family. Afterall, that person can either make your family or break it.

At the end of the day, what goes into a marriage? Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard for two people to come together and live in peace? Why do both have to be stubborn? Marriage is a compromise; however, all anyone wants is mutual respect, honesty, and loyalty. Respect for eachother, respect for one's parents, respect for one's feelings. Good relationships- be it between parents and kids, friends, siblings, other relationships- are based on honesty and trust. It cannot be that hard. Put into it, that, which you want to get back.

No one is perfect. Real life is not a fairytale where everyone finds their soulmate. Life will not be perfect. Compromises will need to be made from both the husband and wife. Pick your battles, give eachother space. No one out there is going to be exactly what you want. Prioritize the things that are important to you.

I'm not a know-it-all... these are things that I see almost everyday between my parents, my sister and brother in law, friends that are married. If one person doesn't like something and there's a good reason behind it, don't do it! If your significant other doesn't want you dressing like a hooker, it's obviously for your own good. No guy that respects a girl wants his girl-friend or wife dressing like that. If you understand where he's coming from, don't do it. Why? If you know that you're drunk and your wife dislikes- no- hates you in that state, stop repeating the fact that you're drunk and go to sleep.

Please don't hate me because of this post. I am not acting like I know how a marriage is- after all, I have never been married; however, it seems the simplest things are blown out of proportion. Things are said and done out of anger, while in the heat of the moment- emotionally. Wouldn't issues be better resolved when one is calm and has a clear head? Words cannot be taken back.

Everyone is there for you when it's a good time in your life. Everyone wants to join with you to celebrate; however, it's those that are there through your tough times that are your true friends. That goes for life partners too. The most difficult times a human goes through (a serious illness, a death of a loved one, loss of job, etc.) can be so much easier if a husband/wife is supportive... but, if that same person isn't there during these times, it might create a gap that can never be filled.

Wouldn't everything be easier if everyone was a little- just a little- more sincere and considerate of another's feelings? Seems like a few compromises can make a world of a difference.

Anyway, everything is easier said than done. We'll see when it's my marriage and if anyone sees me contradicting anything I said, please refer me back to my blog :o)


The year my sister got married and had a baby, I had decided I was never going to get married- at least not to an Indian guy. After seeing the turmoil that my parents have been going through ever since I can remember and then seeing my brother in law and sister bicker over the silliest stuff, I had become turned off to marriage. Why would I want to give up my independance andhappiness to marriage?? What, in my right mind, would convince meof that? I am perfectly happy and satisfied being single.

As a year went by, I continued to be turned off by marriage; however, I also began to realize how important it is for my parents to see married and happy. Don't get me wrong; my parents have never pressured me to get married; never tried to set me up with anyone- none of that; however, it is every parents dream to see their children happily married. As always, I aim to please, especially my parents.

It's taken a few years, but I do think that, with the right person, a marriage can be successful and not so bad.

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